So right now, I am trying to "pack." This means that I am doing whatever I can to not return to my room and stuff my entire life into 2 suitcases and a carry-on. Impossible, considering that I cannot take my friends and family w/ me to California because people being put into duffle bags give off a rather negative vibe w/ airport security. That usually gets you thrown into jail. Very unpleasant.
But I digress. Packing. Yes, I am putting it off. Mainly because if I start to pack, that means I am going someplace, which means change. C-H-A-N-G-E.
I don't entirely hate change. I love putting fresh sheets on my bed, visiting new places w/ my friends, not eating the same food every single day in the cafeteria. It's the big changes that scare me. I have this huge fear of the unknown, probably stemming from my control-freak nature. Whenever I have to go someplace new, I get a little anxious.
The thing is I know I'll be fine tomorrow. I know God is taking care of me and guiding my steps, that he already knows exactly what's going to happen to me. But I still feel consumed sometimes by this unexplainable fear.
Asbury has this slogan, "Come as you are, leave changed." One of the reasons why I didn't want to go there in the first place. Then, when I arrived on campus for the first time, I discovered our class name was "Fearless." I felt like I stepped into a cosmic practical joke. God most definitely has a sense of humor. Me, "change" into a "Fearless" individual?? Never in a million years.
It only took 3. Funny how that works out. Instead of spending my senior year at college in a comfortable atmosphere of friends and professors, I am going to a place I've never been, surrounded by people I don't know for 4 months. I still wouldn't call myself a completely Fearless individual, but knowing that God has taken me through times of change before is reassuring and gives me strength to be Fearless entering into the unknown.
I call on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea: "Do not close your ear to my cry for relief." You came near when I called you, and you said, "Do not fear." - Lamentations 3:55-57
Last Christmas as I lay on your bed reading The Attributes of God, this quote stuck out to me. I've carried it around with me since then, and now I'd like to share it with you:
ReplyDelete"I saw that God is to us everything that is good and comfortable. He is our clothing; His love wrappeth us and claspeth us and all encloseth us for His tender love, that He may never leave us, being to us all that is good." - Julian of Norwich
I love you and I'm praying for you always. :)